Why traditional weddings can be quite scary for the bride and groom to be
It’s the morning of my wedding day! Let’s get me showered and ready to go to the hairdresser.
Umm, is that really the hairstyle that we did a trial run on? Twice? If you say so. Let’s get me home for some relaxing with my girls!
Wow. There sure are a lot of relatives in my house. They sit there watching “You’ve Got Mail,” petting the dog, oblivious to the fact that I don’t like them right now. Not at all.
And why should I eat? Look! People are trying to make me eat! We don’t feel so great about that option…
Yes, let’s put on our make-up. That will make us feel better.
Time to go? Time for pictures? Who’s going to help me get this stupid dress on?
NOT SO TIGHT WITH THE BODICE, MOM!
Ugh. Get outta my space, I need air. I need time to slow down so I can breathe some air.
Whoever took my body shimmer will give it back or die.
No, sweetheart, that bouquet is mine. The flower girl gets this pretty basket. Isn’t that nice? Uh oh…that’s not a nice thing to do to the basket!
Yes, I know it’s hot out here, but smile for the pictures anyway. I’ll bet you’re the one who stole my body shimmer-three strikes and you’re out.
The church? How’d we get here? Oh, mercy. I need to sit down. Why aren’t these dresses designed for sitting? Does anyone have any saltines or something? Merlot? What do you mean, I can only have water? Screw water, I’m getting married in 30 minutes and I need some booze!
We’re standing. And I’m shaking. Where’s my dad? Isn’t he supposed to be here with me, holding me up? I’m the end of the line. Everyone checks every so often to make sure I’m still here and haven’t run off.
Oh no. Here come the saltines…
And then it’s my turn. And I walk out and it’s all beauty and candles and the music is floating. And then there you are with tears in your eyes. And I’m walking towards you. And Greg was right…I don’t mind that everyone stares. Because every woman deserves this.
Except maybe not the heartburn.
Wait-is that your ex in the third row? Who invited her?
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Tags: Booze, Bouquet Flower, Everyone Stares, Oh Mercy, Three Strikes