The duties of the maid of honor – Part 4
Duties of the Maid of Honour
1) Be calm, even if you’re the most organized person in the world-things will go wrong. You might, for instance find that the brides updo appears to resemble an electrocuted poodle-it is your job to reassure and soothe. The bride will be remembered as beautiful(well they always are aren’t they?)no matter what contradictory photos and statements exist.
2)Be aware of the brides needs at all times: this is her day not yours(although your new title “Maid of Honour” may give you an inflated sense of your own importance).
3)Be prepared to see a lot more of the bride than you ever thought possible at a wedding: the behind the scenes reality of getting a two meter squared dress into a toilet cubicle and then insuring that said dress is in no way hanging, draping OR dangling any where near the danger zone is not for the faint hearted.
4)Never, under any circumstances slim down to a smaller dress size than the bride before the wedding: we are the pitiful minions, we are to look pretty- but not beautiful, pleasant- but not charming and most importantly: we must indulge where the bride can not: chocolate cake every night in the months leading up to the big event is practically the Maid of Honours god given right!
5)Know that if the bride has partaken of a smidgen too much celebratory bubbly You will be held responsible. To decrease the chances of being blamed for your best friends/sisters moving rendition of “The Hotel California” at the end of the night try one of these three easy tricks:
a)Remind her of where she is…then hide her glass
b)Get her off the dance floor and ply her with coffee
c) Take it upon yourself to get significantly more drunk than her, take off your shoes(what do you mean you already have?), hoik up your cleavage and recreate the final scene from Dirty Dancing with the brides “Mad” aunt Florence- attention successfully diverted
6) This is the most important duty for all Maids of Honour: No matter what the bride demands, no matter how hard the vein in your temple throbs at the thought of trying on “just one more” florid green monstrosity, take heart…and take note, there’s always your wedding for revenge!
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Tags: Cleavage, Dance Floor, Rendition