Humor: Weddings
Oh, goodie, it’s THAT time of year.again (Part III)
I am at that age where everyone is getting engaged, getting married (or re-married) and having kids- granted, not necessarily in that sequence.
I have no problems with any those things (or in what order it is being done) but the sheer torture it is for me is great.
The WEDDING
Yet another Saturday wiped from existence, another few hundreds of dollars spent, wrapped and left on a gift table, another chicken dance, and enough candy colored almonds to make Willy Wonka want to puke and yet another entertaining drunken toast by the Mother-of-the Bride.
I don’t think anyone can truly enjoy themselves at a wedding. The top two best weddings I have ever attended have been so low key; you would never know a wedding was going on. One was held in a small chapel in Vegas. The biggest fuss was getting from there to the strip with 30 people and 1 car. And the other was held on a beach with a bonfire afterwards. Every other wedding was months of stress compounded into a distress filled days.
Some brides and grooms make it easy on us. They elope. I am a big fan of eloping. Destination weddings are also quite helpful. I can’t afford to fly to Italy, therefore, I don’t go. Then there are the asses that hold weddings on Sundays and weekdays… I have never made it to a Sunday wedding since I am usually recuperating from a Saturday night out. And have never gone to weekday wedding either- like I would really use a vacation day to be tortured through their wedding. (Are you kidding me! I am saving those days for my Cabo trip.)
All the rest are Saturday weddings. If you are lucky, you are just invited. You eat, drink, embarrass yourself on the dance floor- generally a good time had by allor is it?
Most men have to buy or rent a suit (if it is a “nice” affair), get a updo cut, shave, get new shoes and make sure no one finds out their date use to be a prostitute. Women must go out and find a dress (unless you have several hanging in your closet- which I do not) get their hair, nails and bikini area shaved and find a date that they hope no one realizes is their 2nd cousin.
Anyone without a significant other is under date pressure. For some reason it is a clich to go to a wedding alone. If you can’t find a date, you have someone’s great aunt running up to you with all the “eligible” single men/women. For example: Rick, a investment banker with bad acne and a lisp, Renee the overly talkative,
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