Are bachelor and bachelorette parties appropriate if the couple has been living together?
The best man and maid of honor typically organize bachelor and bachelorette parties, respectively. These celebrations have traditionally been seen as the bride and groom’s “last chance” to have a night of wild fun with their friends before “settling down” once they walk down the aisle and say their “I dos.”
Typically, bachelor parties involve the groom, his groomsmen, and any other close friends or family members who the groom wants to invite. In many cases, bachelor parties involve a great deal of drinking, and occasionally, strip clubs and/or private exotic dancers who are hired to dance for the group in a private atmosphere, such as a home or hotel room. However, there are plenty of other “fun” alternatives for grooms-to-be and their bachelor parties. One recent trend has been a weekend getaway to an all-inclusive resort involving rounds of golf, beaches, and an overall relaxing atmosphere.
Bachelorette parties have also traditionally been known to include strip clubs, where a bride-to-be and her bridesmaids can let their updo down and view some of the eye-candy. In other cases, a bride’s friends will make up a list of “To Do’s” that often include a wide variety of silly and/or fun tasks, such as “Get a guy to buy you a drink at a bar,” or “Go on stage and sing Karaoke.”
Many couples have absolutely no problem with their future husbands or wives having one last night of mayhem before they settle down into married life; however, in recent years, more and more couples have been living as a married couple for years before actually legalizing their unions. In other words, if a couple has been living together in a committed, monogamous relationship, is a bachelor or bachelorette party still appropriate?
Each individual has his or her own preferences when it comes to the definition of “propriety” for behavior when involved in a committed relationship. While some brides who have been living with their future husbands for quite some time may have no problem with their hubbies visiting the local strip club with a couple of his closest pals, other women may feel uncomfortable with it. The bottom line is that this question is something to be discussed and answered by the parties involved. When a couple makes the decision to marry and have a traditional wedding bachelor and bachelorette parties included it is up to them to negotiate the conditions of these aforementioned parties.
Although bachelor and bachelorette parties generally have negative reputations, I think it is absolutely fine for a couple to negotiate what they feel are appropriate boundaries for their bachelor and bachelorette parties. If a groom is uncomfortable with his bride going to a strip club, make a “No Strip Club” policy.
Another alternative is to have a joint bachelor/bachelorette party- where the bride and groom can go wild together. This is usually a great idea four couples who have already been living together for some time before they take the final plunge and formalize their commitment to one another.
Overall, the most important aspect of bachelor and bachelorette parties is that the couple is comfortable, happy, and having fun. So, if you and your partner are considering throwing separate or joint bachelor/bachelorette parties, have a heart-to-heart before hand and hammer out the terms and boundaries that both of you can be comfortable with.
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